groom

They said to [Jesus], "Come, let's pray and fast today." Jesus said, "What have I done wrong? Have I failed? "Rather, when the groom leaves the bridal chamber, then people should fast and pray."

The impure spirits take male and female [forms]. The males are those that are intimate with the souls which dwell in a female form, and the females are those that mingle with those in a male form through disobedience. No one will be able to escape being bound by them without receiving a male power and a female one – the groom and the bride – in the image of the bridal chamber. When the foolish females see a male sitting alone, they jump on him, play with him, and defile him. In the same way, when the foolish males see a beautiful female sitting alone, they seduce and coerce her, wanting to defile her. But if they see the husband and his wife sitting together, the females can't go inside the husband, nor the males inside the wife. That's what it's like when the image unites with the angel; no one will be able to dare to go inside the [male] or the female.

If it's necessary to speak of a mystery: the Father of everything united with the virgin who came down, and a fire enlightened him on that day. He revealed the great bridal chamber, so his body came into being on that day. He came out of the bridal chamber like the one who came into being from the groom and the bride. That's the way Jesus established everything within himself. It's also necessary for each of the disciples to enter into his rest through these things.

A horse begets a horse, a human begets a human, and a god begets god. It's the same way with [the groom] and [brides too]. They [come into being] from the […] No Jew […] from […] exists and […] from the Jews […] the Christians […] called these […] "the chosen race of […]" and "the true human" and "the Son of the Human" and "the seed of the Son of the Human." This true race is known in the world. These are the places where the children of the bridal chamber exist.

No [one will be able to] know [when the husband] and the wife are intimate with each other, except they themselves, because the marriage of the world is a mystery for those who have married. If the defiled marriage is hidden, how much more is the undefiled marriage a true mystery! It's not fleshly, but pure. It isn't of desire, but of the will. It isn't of the darkness or the night, but it's of the day and the light. If a marriage is stripped naked, it becomes pornography – not only if the bride receives the seed of another man, but even if she leaves the chamber and is seen, she commits adultery. Let her reveal herself to her father, her mother, the best man, and the groom's children. They're allowed to enter the bridal chamber every day. But let the others yearn just to hear her voice and enjoy her perfume, and, like dogs, let them eat the crumbs that fall from the table. Grooms and brides belong to the bridal chamber. No one will be able to see the groom and the bride unless [they become] such.

Accept me, O my uncle! Now I will serve in thy house, and groom thy horses and sweep up the dung of thy cattle, and feed thy sheep, for I am the wicked and thou art the righteous: I the guilty and thou the forgiving.'

A Mishnah disagrees with Rebbi Joḥanan: “If somebody marries giving heave, tithes, ‘gifts’, water for sprinkling, or ashes of the red heifer, she is married, even if the groom is Israel.” He explains it with heave he inherited from his maternal grandfather, a Cohen.

MISHNAH: Three things did Rebbi Eleazar ben Azariah permit but the Sages forbid. His cow was going out with a strip between her horns, and one grooms an animal with combs with small teeth on a holiday, and one grinds peppers in their proper mill. Rebbi Jehudah says, one does not groom an animal on the holiday with a comb with small teeth because it produces bruises, but one may groom with a comb with large teeth. But the Sages are saying one uses a comb with small teeth but not with large teeth.

MISHNAH: Three things did Rebbi Eleazar ben Azariah permit but the Sages forbid. His cow was going out with a strip between her horns, and one grooms an animal with combs with small teeth on a holiday, and one grinds peppers in their proper mill. Rebbi Jehudah says, one does not groom an animal on the holiday with a comb with small teeth because it produces bruises, but one may groom with a comb with large teeth. But the Sages are saying one uses a comb with small teeth but not with large teeth.

“Or he leaves jail.” We thought to say, if he was jailed by Gentiles, but not if he was jailed by Jews. He comes to inform you, even if he was jailed by Jews. It is not agreeable to a person to groom in jail.

MISHNAH: “When the policemen finish to speak to the people, the officers will have taken up position at the head of the people.” Behind the people one puts up people with backups armed with iron axes and they have permission to break the legs of anyone who desires to abandon his post since flight is the start of falling, as it is said: “Israel fled from before the Philistines and a great plague was among the people.” Further on it says, “the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines and slain fell on Mount Gilboa.” About what have these things be said? About a war of choice, but in a war of obligation everybody goes out, even a groom from his room and a bride from her bridal chamber. Rebbi Jehudah said, about what have these things been said? About a war of obligation, but in a war of duty everybody goes out, even a groom from his room and a bride from her bridal chamber.

MISHNAH: “When the policemen finish to speak to the people, the officers will have taken up position at the head of the people.” Behind the people one puts up people with backups armed with iron axes and they have permission to break the legs of anyone who desires to abandon his post since flight is the start of falling, as it is said: “Israel fled from before the Philistines and a great plague was among the people.” Further on it says, “the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines and slain fell on Mount Gilboa.” About what have these things be said? About a war of choice, but in a war of obligation everybody goes out, even a groom from his room and a bride from her bridal chamber. Rebbi Jehudah said, about what have these things been said? About a war of obligation, but in a war of duty everybody goes out, even a groom from his room and a bride from her bridal chamber.

Rebbi Joḥanan said, usage is between them; Rebbi Jehudah called a war of choice a war of obligation. “But in a war of duty everybody goes out, even a groom from his room and a bride from her bridal chamber.” Rav Ḥisda said, they disagree. The rabbis say, a war of obligation was the war of David. A war of duty was the war of Joshua. Rebbi Jehudah called it a war of obligation if we went out against them; a war of duty if they attacked us. It is written: “King Asa proclaimed in all of Jehudah, nobody is free”. What means “nobody is free”? Rebbi Simon and the rabbis. Rebbi Simon said, nobody is free to return home even for one hour. But the rabbis say, there is no exemption for a scholar, son of a scholar.

It was stated: Rebbi Jehudah said, in Judea in earlier times they appointed two best men, one for the bride and one for the groom, but they appointed them only for the wedding day. In contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times one let the fiancé be alone with the fiancée for an hour so that he became familiar with her; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were investigating the places of groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were sleeping in the room with groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. Anybody who did not follow these rules could not present a claim of missing virginity.

It was stated: Rebbi Jehudah said, in Judea in earlier times they appointed two best men, one for the bride and one for the groom, but they appointed them only for the wedding day. In contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times one let the fiancé be alone with the fiancée for an hour so that he became familiar with her; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were investigating the places of groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were sleeping in the room with groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. Anybody who did not follow these rules could not present a claim of missing virginity.

It was stated: Rebbi Jehudah said, in Judea in earlier times they appointed two best men, one for the bride and one for the groom, but they appointed them only for the wedding day. In contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times one let the fiancé be alone with the fiancée for an hour so that he became familiar with her; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were investigating the places of groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. In Judea in earlier times the best men were sleeping in the room with groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. Anybody who did not follow these rules could not present a claim of missing virginity.

There, we have stated: “Every vine gives wine; if there is no wine it is dried up.” Rebbi Jeremiah asked: Does that mean that Rebbi Jehudah does not admit claims of missing virginity? Rebbi Yose said, in itself it means that Rebbi Jehudah admits claims of missing virginity, as it was stated: Rebbi Jehudah said, in Judea in earlier times they appointed two best men, one for the groom and one for the bride, but they appointed them only for the wedding day. In contrast, this was not done in Galilee … they were sleeping in the room with groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. How is this? She has to bring proof that she comes from a family of dryness.

There, we have stated: “Every vine gives wine; if there is no wine it is dried up.” Rebbi Jeremiah asked: Does that mean that Rebbi Jehudah does not admit claims of missing virginity? Rebbi Yose said, in itself it means that Rebbi Jehudah admits claims of missing virginity, as it was stated: Rebbi Jehudah said, in Judea in earlier times they appointed two best men, one for the groom and one for the bride, but they appointed them only for the wedding day. In contrast, this was not done in Galilee … they were sleeping in the room with groom and bride; in contrast, this was not done in Galilee. How is this? She has to bring proof that she comes from a family of dryness.

HALAKHAH: “The father has the benefit to give his daughter,” etc. One understands that the father has a benefit from money or contract. By intercourse? Explain it that [the groom] said to [the father]: When your daughter becomes mine by intercourse, this money shall be your property.

HALAKHAH: “If somebody decided on money for his son-in-law and the son-in-law died,” etc. Are these not the things that are acquired by speech? Bar Qappara stated: He promised the dowry on condition there be a marriage. And it is so: If somebody decided on money for his underage daughter, one forces him to give. But not for the adult one? Rebbi Abun said, one forces [the groom] to give a bill of divorce.

MISHNAH: If she decided to bring him 1’000 denars, he decides as equivalent fifteen minas. Corresponding to estimates he decides one-fifth less. If it was appraised for a mina and it is worth a mina, he has only a mina. For the estimate of a mina she gives him 31 [tetradrachmas and one] denar. For 400 she gives 500, for what the groom decides, he decides one-fifth less.

HALAKHAH: “If she decided to bring him 1’000 denars,” etc. Why did they say for money, one and one half times, and for estimations less one fifth? Rebbi Yose ben Ḥanina said, one estimates the will of the woman that she wants to use her vessels and depreciates them by a fifth. One estimates the will of the man to use it in trade and to make them one and one half. Rebbi Yose said, this implies that nobody has the right to sell his wife’s vessels. Example: Rebbi Ḥiyya, Rebbi Yasa, and Rebbi Immi went to appraise for Rebbi Yose ben Ḥanina’s daughter. They said to [the groom]: Deduct a fifth and double. He said to them, he deducts a fifth and does not double.

MISHNAH: If she decided to bring him money, each tetradrachma is turned into six denars and the groom engages himself for ten denars for the perfume box for each mina; Rabban Simeon ben Gamliel says, all follows local custom.

A Mishnah disagrees with Rebbi Joḥanan: “If somebody marries preliminarily giving heave, tithes, ‘gifts’, water for sprinkling, or ashes of the red heifer, she is married, even if the groom is an Israel.” He explains it with heave he inherited from his maternal grandfather, a Cohen.

MISHNAH: All substitute names for nazir vows are like nazir vows. If somebody says “I shall be” he is a nazir, “I shall be beautiful”, he is a nazir; naziq,naziaḥ,paziaḥ, he is a nazir. “I shall be like this one”, “I shall tend my hair,” “I shall groom my hair”. “I shall be obligated to grow my hair”, he is a nazir. “I have to bring birds”, Rebbi Meїr says, he is a nazir, but the Sages say, he is not a nazir.

“I shall be like this one”; Rebbi Yose bar Ḥanina said, if he grabs [a nazir’s] hair and says, “I shall be like this one.” “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. If he says, I shall be of those who have to tend or grow their hair. “I shall tend my hair and I shall groom my hair”, if he says I shall neither tend nor grow my hair for less than thirty [days], he means thirty. “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair,” if he says, it shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair more than thirty [days], he means thirty. “I shall be obligated to grow my hair”, means “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. Or “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to groom my hair, but to let it grow wildly.”

“I shall be like this one”; Rebbi Yose bar Ḥanina said, if he grabs [a nazir’s] hair and says, “I shall be like this one.” “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. If he says, I shall be of those who have to tend or grow their hair. “I shall tend my hair and I shall groom my hair”, if he says I shall neither tend nor grow my hair for less than thirty [days], he means thirty. “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair,” if he says, it shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair more than thirty [days], he means thirty. “I shall be obligated to grow my hair”, means “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. Or “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to groom my hair, but to let it grow wildly.”

“I shall be like this one”; Rebbi Yose bar Ḥanina said, if he grabs [a nazir’s] hair and says, “I shall be like this one.” “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. If he says, I shall be of those who have to tend or grow their hair. “I shall tend my hair and I shall groom my hair”, if he says I shall neither tend nor grow my hair for less than thirty [days], he means thirty. “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair,” if he says, it shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair more than thirty [days], he means thirty. “I shall be obligated to grow my hair”, means “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. Or “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to groom my hair, but to let it grow wildly.”

“I shall be like this one”; Rebbi Yose bar Ḥanina said, if he grabs [a nazir’s] hair and says, “I shall be like this one.” “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. If he says, I shall be of those who have to tend or grow their hair. “I shall tend my hair and I shall groom my hair”, if he says I shall neither tend nor grow my hair for less than thirty [days], he means thirty. “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair,” if he says, it shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to grow my hair more than thirty [days], he means thirty. “I shall be obligated to grow my hair”, means “I shall tend my hair, I shall groom my hair”. Or “It shall be my obligation neither to tend nor to groom my hair, but to let it grow wildly.”

The following is the way of contracting: One witness for the groom and one witness for the bride; these two together select a third in order to have two witnesses for each side. That is, if not both of them agree. But if both of them agree, both may invalidate the preliminary marriage. As, e. g., “if he said, I copulated, but she says, I was not copulated with. Even if he changed his story and then said, I did not copulate, he cannot be believed since from the start he had said, I copulated. But if from the start he said that he had not copulated, the two together can uproot the presumption.” If there was one witness for the groom, one witness for the bride, and the groom signed personally: Rebbi Abbahu said, it is a symphōn, Rebbi Abba said, it is preliminary marriage, for I am saying that he did not really intend a symphōn but thought that it would permit her sister to him.

The following is the way of contracting: One witness for the groom and one witness for the bride; these two together select a third in order to have two witnesses for each side. That is, if not both of them agree. But if both of them agree, both may invalidate the preliminary marriage. As, e. g., “if he said, I copulated, but she says, I was not copulated with. Even if he changed his story and then said, I did not copulate, he cannot be believed since from the start he had said, I copulated. But if from the start he said that he had not copulated, the two together can uproot the presumption.” If there was one witness for the groom, one witness for the bride, and the groom signed personally: Rebbi Abbahu said, it is a symphōn, Rebbi Abba said, it is preliminary marriage, for I am saying that he did not really intend a symphōn but thought that it would permit her sister to him.

The following is the way of contracting: One witness for the groom and one witness for the bride; these two together select a third in order to have two witnesses for each side. That is, if not both of them agree. But if both of them agree, both may invalidate the preliminary marriage. As, e. g., “if he said, I copulated, but she says, I was not copulated with. Even if he changed his story and then said, I did not copulate, he cannot be believed since from the start he had said, I copulated. But if from the start he said that he had not copulated, the two together can uproot the presumption.” If there was one witness for the groom, one witness for the bride, and the groom signed personally: Rebbi Abbahu said, it is a symphōn, Rebbi Abba said, it is preliminary marriage, for I am saying that he did not really intend a symphōn but thought that it would permit her sister to him.

MISHNAH: One writes a bill of divorce for a man even though his wife not be present, and a receipt for the wife even though he husband not be present on condition that he know her. The husband pays the fee. One writes a document of indebtedness for the borrower even though the creditor not be present, but one does not write a document of indebtedness for the creditor if the borrower not be present. The borrower pays the fee. One writes a sale contract for the seller even though the buyer not be present, but one does not write a sale contract for the buyer if the seller not be present. The buyer pays the fee. Documents of preliminary and definitive marriage one only writes on the orders of both parties; the groom pays the fee. Documents of share-cropping and leases one only writes on the orders of both parties; the tenant pays the fee. Documents of arbitration and court decisions one only writes on the orders of both parties; both of them pay the fee. Rabban Simeon ben Gamliel says, one writes them in duplicate, one for each party.

Gemara: From where are these words? As our rabbis taught: (Deuteronomy 6:7) "in your sitting in your house" exempts one involved in a mitzvah. "and in your going in the road" exempts a groom. From here they said: One who brings in a maiden is exempt. And a widow, he is obligated.

But let them do the huppah in the Sukkah? Abaye says: [They cannot] because of seclusion. And Rava said, Because of the discomfort of the bridegroom. What practical difference is there between them? The practical difference between them is a case where people are going in and out of there. According to the one who said "because of seclusion", the restriction does not apply; according to the one who said because of discomfort to the groom, it does.

Said R. 'Abahu: When are we to pronounce the blessing over the rain? When the groom goes forth to meet the bride. How does the blessing read? Said R. Judah in the name of Rab: "We thank Thee, O Lord our God, for every drop Thou hast caused to descend for us"; and R. Johanan concluded this prayer thus: "Were our mouth full of song as the sea (is of water) and our tongue as loud as its roaring billows," etc., till "behold, they shall give thanks, bless, and praise unto Thy name, blessed art Thou, O Lord to whom many thanks are due." "Many thanks," and not "all thanks"?! Raba therefore directed to say, "God to whom thanks are due." R. Papa said: Let us therefore